Just wanted to scribble down in cyberspace a few feelings about money this morning.
As a former evangelical Christian I used to strongly believe that to acquire and sit on pots of money was wrong: sinful in fact. Jesus told us to share and encourages us to look upon the acquisition of wealth as something to be avoided? Many years later, I recognise that this feeling still prevails. Not because of my strong Christian feelings, that has changed considerably, but because I have simply swapped the why for not doing so, for another reason.
This reason is due to my intense feeling about world poverty. (70% of the world’s poorest people are women). I see it as still morally wrong to have huge sums in the bank when others are starving. However, I recognise that I have a huge tug of war and love over money. On twitter, I admit that my comments sometimes have been about the next bill, the dentist, the car, the vets. A lot of my potential followers have highlighted themselves as money makers. I feel embarrassed about this. Thinking, I say too much about my finances on twitter, worrying about this bill and that one. Sounding sometimes that I am scrabbling after the next buck. To be honest, I am like this. Chasing money and worrying over it. Never quite having enough. The more I scrimp and scrape the more it just goes on the next huge bill.
I would be like to be rich. There, I have said it now but know that is unlikely ever to happen. I would like to be able to pay for an airfair to go to Australia or the £2000 required to help do some voluntary work in Africa, through a particular organisation, that allows you to go off for two weeks and just DO.
I hate still having the mortgage over my head and other bills which are a huge mountain to climb. I wish I could have financial freedom, or more of it. I simply do not know how to become rich. My husband and I have invested in the stock market and that nearly finished us as a couple. We lost and made but it is now all gone. We put money away in bank accounts with high interest rates but they still only return pennies. I have tried to make money in a small floristry business and not made a dime. I appear to be one of life’s financial losers. I have no rich parents leaving me their house. I have no antiques to sell or other other precious items of art. I have no husband who earns a bucket full either.
Money attracts money and when you have none, you don’t attract it. Simple. Now I am putting away £50 in a long term account, and £25 pounds in a ISA hoping that will help. But it will take me a life time to get anywhere with that. The problem is that while I say all this, deep down I hate the stuff because it has been a source of so many problems, arguments and friction. In spite of my pondering on the subject, I know that health, love and relationships are the important things.
So, I have come to the conclusion that I need to work on my relationship with money. I don’t know how people get rich and haven’t a profession that will ever make me wealthy. But, I don’t wish to be wealthy, just to be a bit more off the wire and the tight rope. Always making do, paying things always without debt but never much surplus. I do have some small savings, but after living for a good half of my life line admits that by now I should have really acquired rather more than I have.
One big mistake that does hit me. I feel I have wasted too much of it in some ways. I don’t spend much on myself but …. I am generous and feel that I should have looked after pennies more than the pounds. Another blog perhaps.