Posted in families, Thoughts

Money:an Uneasy Relationship

Just wanted to scribble down in cyberspace a few feelings about money this morning.

As a former evangelical Christian I used to strongly believe that to acquire and sit on pots of money was wrong: sinful in fact. Jesus told us to share and encourages us to look upon the acquisition of wealth as something to be avoided? Many years later, I recognise  that this feeling still prevails. Not because of my strong Christian feelings, that has changed considerably, but because I have  simply swapped the why for not doing so, for another reason.

This reason is due to my intense feeling about world poverty. (70% of the world’s poorest people are women). I see it as still morally wrong to have huge sums in the bank when others are starving. However, I recognise  that I have a huge tug of war and love over money. On twitter, I admit that my comments sometimes have been about the next bill, the dentist, the car, the vets. A lot of my potential followers have highlighted themselves as money makers. I feel embarrassed about this. Thinking, I say too much about my finances on twitter, worrying about this bill and that one. Sounding sometimes that I am scrabbling after the next buck. To be honest, I am like this. Chasing money and worrying over it. Never quite having enough. The more I scrimp and scrape the more it just goes on the next huge bill.

I would be like to be rich. There, I have said it now but know that is unlikely ever to happen. I would like to be able to pay for an airfair to go to Australia or the £2000 required to help do some voluntary work in Africa, through a particular organisation, that allows you to go off for two weeks and just DO.

I hate still having the mortgage over my head and other bills which are a huge mountain to climb. I wish I could have financial  freedom, or more  of it. I simply do not know how to become rich. My husband and I have invested in the stock market and that nearly finished us as a couple.  We lost and made but it is now all gone. We put money away in  bank accounts with high interest rates but they still only return pennies. I have tried to make money in a small floristry business and not made a dime. I appear to be one of life’s financial losers. I have no rich parents leaving me their house. I have no antiques to sell or other other precious items of art. I have no husband who earns a bucket full either.

Money attracts money and when you have none, you don’t attract it. Simple. Now I am putting away £50 in a long term account, and £25 pounds in a ISA hoping that will help. But it will take me a life time to get anywhere with that. The problem is that while I say all this, deep down I hate the stuff because it has been a source of so many problems, arguments and friction. In spite of my pondering on the subject, I know that health, love and relationships are the important things.

So, I have come to the conclusion that I need to work on my relationship with money. I don’t know how people get rich and haven’t a profession that will ever make me wealthy. But, I don’t wish to be wealthy, just to be a bit more off the wire and the tight rope. Always making do, paying things always without debt but never much surplus. I do have some small savings, but after living for a good half of my life line admits that by now I should have really acquired rather more than I have.

One big mistake that does hit me. I feel I have wasted too much of it in some ways. I don’t spend much on myself but …. I am generous and feel that I should have looked after pennies more than the pounds. Another blog perhaps.



Committed to the education of children and the health and human rights of women and mankind. I also enjoy taking photographs and sometimes I write poetry.

One thought on “Money:an Uneasy Relationship

  1. Yes, I have an uneasy relationship with money too although slightly different to yours.

    I gave up the idea of more money (I earnt more when I was working full-time) in exchange for more time. And I have never regretted that. But I was financially secure when I did that.

    But I agree that when you have some money, more tends to follow. I wasn’t given any money either (although I had a very good education which helps a great deal) but when I was very first working in London when I was 21 I bought a tiny little flat in a very grotty part of East London and that was my piece of luck. The value of that flat tripled in the three years I owned it. So it was just luck (well and a lot of hard work I spent renovating and decorating it – but that was fine cos I had no money to go out and do anything anyway!). And it is down to that luck and my determination to always keep my finances separate to anyone I should happen to be with, that has led to my financial security today.

    Maybe you too will have some luck. Do you have any Premium Bonds?

    But I think money is only important up to the point that it gives you freedom over how you spend your time. I don’t think happiness is determined by owning things or even visiting places – it is down to being able to make choices. I have enough money to do that and in general I am happy.

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