Posted in Debate, Home, Men, Psychology, Relationships, Thoughts

Valentine Love

My husband and I always have mixed feelings about celebrating Valentines day. We hate the commercialism of the whole thing and the pressure that cards and flowers should be given, and any potential disappointment, if say a modest bunch of flowers were bought, instead of the most expensive ones on display.

Each year, men gather around the red honey pot inspecting the flowers on display, mulling over their choice. As a florist I have spent a good few hours preparing for such a purchase. The Valentine’s industry certainly is a profitable one and there is nothing wrong with that.

I know the idea of Valentines was to give surprise and secret cards to a loved one, un-requited or not. The thrill of trying to find out who sent and how many. I can remember though, as a teenager the angst of never  receiving Valentines cards, so there can be a  lot of pressure and feelings of not being good enough as a person, when the red and pink envelopes don’t drop on the mat.

While there are many forms of love in many different relationships which are all healthy, genuine and not harmful, Valentines can become a more grim affair- yes, apt word, when one partner is cheating on another and giving secret gifts and cards to a mistress or lover. That is the sad but a real side to another Valentines form of expression which can only lead to broken flowers and hearts.

All I am saying is that while we have bought cards  (I am presently pondering if I should go and buy, and has he got me one for tomorrow-actually I think he has thought), the general feeling is, that it is want counts the other 364 days of the year. Flowers, cards and chocolates are nice on the day but the romance soon flies out of the window, if there is upset, tears and arguments tomorrow. We, like many thousands of  couples, are testimony to that.

It would be easy to go out and buy whisky truffles, my husbands favourite or a new tie but perhaps clearing his re-cycle area full of stuff waiting to be shipped out would mean more. (He has just told me a gate for the area would be really rather nice, though he will have to wait for that until finances becomes available).

Whatever you are doing on Valentines day tomorrow, enjoy yourself. For me sadly, Valentines is being spent away from him. He is working as usual, requested time off for a party and it’s a no go: request was in too late. That for me would have meant more than any card. However, I am still going and making the best of the weekend.After all Valentines  day should be 365 days of the year and there is always an opportunity to show care, have fun and create a special day any time of the  year.

While writing this blog, my husband has been in and out of this office chattering away at me all the time. I suppose that shows he is glad to see me and my company- having  just finished a 52.5 hr week – I only work part-time, (though it doesn’t feel like it). So while it has interrupted me, I can see the nice part of it too and not be irritated by it. 

 

Happy Valentines Day for tomorrow and have a great time everybody.

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Author:

Committed to the education of children and the health and human rights of women and mankind. I also enjoy taking photographs and sometimes I write poetry.

8 thoughts on “Valentine Love

  1. I always thought of Valentines in the romantic sense, but a few years ago, a friend, a good friend, who lives in India and I rarely see her, sent me a card she had made.
    On the front was a lovely sticker of a dove saying ‘peace’ and she had written 1 2
    inside it said
    I LIKE YOU.
    It made my day, it’s the best dang Valentines card I have ever received.
    Just wanted to share that with you 😉

  2. I’m afraid I’m of the old school. I think love ought to occasionally be about abandonment, passion, and outrageousness where you indicate through your actions that someone is very special to you. I try to do that throughout the year, and I personally don’t mind being reminded that I need to do it now and again. Valentine’s day is a useful prompt for me, and I am thankful for that.

    I’m a great believer in the saying that you find out about people, not so much by what they say, but by what they do, and particularly by how they spend or don’t spend their money. For me, some people are too important not to waste money on – be it at birthday, Christmas, mother’s/father’s day – anytime at all. As they say, you’re a long time dead, and you can’t take your money with you.

  3. Hi, thanks for replying.
    I agree that love should be about abandonment and passion, doing or giving in what ever way.
    All I am saying is that some doing can also be cheap.It’s easy just to chunk money at somebody by buying a gift or whatever. But for me the money is not important but the thought and yes the doing not the words.
    Today my husband has prepared the meal, so I can actually have a day off and not just do the mind numbing cooking for once. This means I can do course work tonight. I am greatful for that.
    Once, a bedrangled women I knew had left a negative relationship had a new man and showed off her gorgous new necklace the new guy had bought her for xmas. She said it was so nice that for once in her life she was given gifts which made her feel special.
    That women is now engaged to be married to someone else. When I saw her last there was nothing that she showed me that was given in this relationship. The former relationship lacked commitment. Basically he wanted the fun and the romance but didn’t want the package ie:her two boys that went with her.
    I don’t need money splashing on me, though sometimes it is nice and I am not saying that you are implying money is important.
    So yes, I can see Valentines is a good prompt and Yes your wife is lucky to have you for her Mr other-half. I hope you have a memorable Valentines day.

  4. I love valentines day… you have an excuse to be romantic and say the things you would not usually say like I love you….
    also an excuse to treat the one you love and that treat has nothing to do with money … its all about thought 🙂

  5. yes, I think that last sentiment sums it up for me Sally completely . However, that is a good point of you saying this one day is an excuse to do romantic things, you would not perhaps do at other times of the year.
    Next year, perhaps we might do things slightly differently, it’s a shame he is working this one.
    Thanks for the comments. Tried to keep it short once again for my special friend in mind.

  6. Oh I am the opposite. I think it is just my contrary nature really that I refuse to acknowledge set days. I have never been out with anyone who has had any interest in Valentine’s Day (like attracts like, I suppose).

    It is not that I am unromantic – just that I prefer to make romantic gestures when the time feels right, not on a day that someone else has designated. I think that Valentine’s Day can make some people feel lonely or a failure or can add stress to relationships. But I can see from what others have said here that it can be positive too. It just does not interest me.

    to me the whole thing is horribly twee and yucky. But I have no objection to others celebrating (as with Christmas or any other set day) – it’s just not for me.

    My youngest made me a Valentine’s Card though which was rather sweet!

  7. Thanks for such a honest and good reply Relucs. I can see both sides of the coin. I agree wholeheartly that there is a pressure and you can feel lonely etc if it is not celebrated or you receive nothing.
    I really don’t like the commeralisation of it, the pressure all around to buy.
    However, today hearing everybody else doing and receiving this and that makes it feel a bit sad.
    I have not had any flowers, cards or chocolates this time and I now wish I had in a way. And I am not indulgent in any way normally.
    After writng this blog, I now have mixed feelings about it even more and can’t decide what feels comfortable.
    Good for you though that you feel the way you do and I know you would have appreciated to bits your son’s card regardless of which day it is.
    Much love to you this Valentines.
    Regards,
    H.

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